Spring Into Summer

I'm not sure why I always thought this might happen, but it has always been in the back of my mind. I don't know maybe God was preparing me. Some days I ask God "why" and then some days I truly think it is His grace and love that placed me directly in the situation. It's almost like I feel more loved that we are struggling to have a family as opposed to not. CRAZY I know!

The last four months have been an emotional roller coaster. I specifically remember one day laying in the bed with my husband and crying, laughing, crying, laughing, and then crying some more. Talk about CRAZY! Anyways, in March we were told that it was almost impossible to conceive naturally due to my husband's low sperm count and morphology. The doctor told us that we should consider IVF. I remember sitting in the car with my friend and not being able to breathe, think, or even be. I always thought that it would be a "struggle" not impossible. I helplessly asked the nurse, "What do I tell my husband?" How was he going to take this? My husband is such a strong man and great dealer of stress, but he desired children probably more than me! I told him with a trembling voice and wet tears streaming down my face. His response was shock but positive. He reminded me quickly that God had a BIG plan in all of this. That night we laid in bed sobbing and praying. In that moment, I remember thinking suffering is extremely hard, but it's not as bad when you are going through it with someone. What a blessing it is to have a husband that knows God and loves me more than anything.God has blessed me.

The next couple of months included more blood testing for him, in which we found that he had low testosterone, a much better sperm analysis (the doctor's were shocked at this one), a MRI on his brain to make sure he didn't have a pituitary tumor causing the hormone imbalance (a small spot showed on his scan; however, the doctors are confident that the spot is nothing. He goes again for another scan in about 5 months), him taking all kinds of supplements that our friend told us about to help with the issues (What a trooper he is!), him also taking Clomid to help with the low testosterone, lots and lots of money spent, buying Clear Blue Easy Ovulation Kits that cost 50.00 a pop,  many more tears, anxiety, worry, fear, and me trying to decide if I should go to the doctor to get checked out myself.