Joy in Sorrow

Many days have gone by since I last wrote. The Lord has been faithful to get me through many sad days since January and restore joy to my heart in moments. For that I am very thankful and grateful. He has brought me to a place where I can thank Him for the pain, the silence, and the loneliness because it has pushed me to Himself. (Trust me there are MANY days I'm not happy about it.) I am choosing to believe He is preparing me for something far better than I could ever imagine. I am choosing to be expectant and remember times in my life that He has been faithful even when life just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I have spent a lot of time reading Habakuk in the bible. The words have brought me much hope.

After much prayer, dialogue, tears, confusion, playing out every scenario in our minds we have decided to move forward and try treatment one more time (IVF). We feel that God has provided us with the opportunity to try again. We realize and know God is the one who creates life. We could do this and it could fail again; however, we want no regrets later in life. This is a personal and extremely HARD decision for every couple that walks through this. Every possible option is hard and complicated. Are we excited? Umm, no. We are scared to death. We know what could go wrong. I am pretty sure I know everything that could go wrong from now until I hold a baby in my arms. I am fighting to believe though that God already knows the outcome. There is nothing I can do to control it or thwart His plan. He is using this season of my life to make me more like Him. Being a follower of Christ is not just sharing in Christ's riches but ALSO in His sufferings. Are you okay with that? Do you want comfort/happiness more than Jesus? These questions are HARD but ones I wrestle with daily.

We are starting at the beginning of November with a new doctor and a new protocol. Please pray for the following things...

1. That we would trust God is good and we would be thankful.
2. Pray for my weariness. I am so tired.
3. That we would have no hiccups before starting this new cycle like a cyst or anything like that.
4. That God would bless our efforts through this treatment and life would be created by Him.
5. That I would take my sorrow, pain, and frustration to God first and not to my husband. I know this is sucking the life out of him.


Thank you for your prayers and all those who have encouraged me. Know we can have a JOY in our sorrow because God turned His face from His precious son so He could look at ours.


"He will cover your with his feathers, under his wings you will find refuge." Psalm 91:4

A student of mine gave this to me out of the blue. I almost cried right there in the middle of my classroom! It says, "Wings of Courage... Take your chances."